Breakups, Boundaries, And Being Grown

We dig into why breakups hit on different timelines, how situationships can sting worse than titles, and what real reflection looks like when the noise fades. We also set clear rules for staying cordial with an ex and unpack why cultural inclusion belongs on the biggest stages.

• coping styles after a breakup and why timelines differ
• why situationships create deeper what-if pain
• self-reflection as a reset before dating again
• boundaries for ex communication and what crosses the line
• impact on new partners and managing insecurities
• space, distance and building new norms
• culture, inclusion and the halftime show backlash

Youtube to https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLPIs6Ko7BCc9l5jlE5AbAUqZ0gAOhmuq-

https://mixed-vibez-drip.printify.me/

Transcript

Intros And New Show Tease

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Now what it do, what it is, you already know the vibes. Welcome to another episode of Hold Up in Another Thing presented by Mix Vise Media. Now y'all already know the vibes, it's your boy, Mr. Bell, aka K say your name up on his pod. Might not with you to mob. Uh again, thank y'all for listening. Uh, yes, I got my partners with me. Guess they ain't even really guess. This is really like a joint pod at this point. But uh, first up, what's up, Joe? What's good? Man, I can't call it. I can't call it. Uh, Joe, I feel like you have something that we are working on. Um, maybe we could tell the people a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 0:43

Oh, yeah, man. We're working to repair race relations in the community, guys. It's gonna be a wonderful thing. Is that what we're talking about?

SPEAKER_01 0:51

No, we're talking about the other thing.

SPEAKER_00 0:53

Oh, the other thing. Okay. Damn, I had a joke I was gonna try to roll off with right there, too, but I just couldn't even come up with it quick enough. Uh, yeah. So me and Q over here, we're gonna uh we're gonna do our own little uh are we calling it a podcast?

SPEAKER_01 1:11

What do you call it? YouTube show, yeah. That's where I mean it'll come out as a pod, but it's really more a YouTube show, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:17

Yeah, yeah. So respectfully, you're wrong. Be on the lookout for that.

SPEAKER_01 1:27

Right, yeah, yeah. Make sure y'all check that out. It'd be launching soon. I don't know. I don't really know what souvenirs because we ain't really set soon. Yeah, we ain't really set soon, but it's some episodes done. We get in there, we get in there sooner than later, too. Yeah, sooner than later. So y'all be on the lookout. Y'all be on the lookout for that. Um and then uh you can't do mixed baths without Mr. Braglass himself. What's up, man?

SPEAKER_02 2:00

I'm over here perplexed. Just perplexed. I had to call TI and get that word because I'm I'm I'm excited and and I can't even think of the other word I am. Also, for your for your new show, Joe, Quentin. That's that's amazing.

SPEAKER_00 2:19

But what I'm so perplexed about is I feel like we are all so tired right now that we can't even come up with the words that we want to. I'm sorry to say that.

SPEAKER_02 2:28

I'm not necessarily tired at this point. I'm my mind's blown because everybody got a damn show for me. Everybody got a damn show. I see this nigga do a show with a pit bull. I said, what the hell? Who have I got a damn show? At this point, I'm going to another network. I'm a free agent at this point.

SPEAKER_01 2:55

Wait a minute, wait a minute. It might have hold up, it might have been you said you was gonna do a show, and you never got to it. You had an idea, and then I ain't never heard nothing else.

SPEAKER_02 3:05

And I was like, Well, I'm not production, bro. You're production, but I'm the talent, bro. I come to you with the ideals, you come to me with the times and the days. So it's on me, it's on you. It's on you running this label, bro.

SPEAKER_01 3:23

I ain't know, you know what I'm saying? You you had said you said the idea, you said the idea, you had capable of telling me.

SPEAKER_02 3:29

I feel like I'm I'm a no-living artist. I rapped on everybody's fucking song, but never got a fucking album.

SPEAKER_00 3:38

You ain't Mercedes, man. I promise you better than Mercedes.

SPEAKER_02 3:42

It's at this point, I'm ready to go to cash money. Damn, you're gonna go to the rapper, too? That's wow. Like, well, I gotta start looking out. I'm I'm putting my name in the streets at this point.

SPEAKER_01 4:01

Where's that? I don't even know.

SPEAKER_02 4:04

I gotta I got a matter of fact, I got a show coming soon, y'all. I don't know what it's gonna be. I'm just gonna make the show up and I'm just gonna put it out there. I'm just gonna do it independently. I'm going independent. Uh no label to be on the lookout for. It's gonna be about everything too. It's gonna be a label, no label, no label, and and no, no label, no topic. I ain't gonna be about nothing. Like you're like, it's a podcast about nothing. It's like the Jerry Seinfield show.

SPEAKER_01 4:37

I know. I don't feel like I want to be a guest on this shit already.

SPEAKER_02 4:40

It's gonna be on all the platforms. Uh every platform. I think they're gonna come out with a new platform for it. They would be on uh Trump's platform. I ain't asked to, they just come for them.

unknown 4:53

Damn.

SPEAKER_01 4:56

All right, well, it's coming over the podcast because he feels like mixed battles let him down. I don't feel like I I just don't feel like I did, but apparently I did.

Pivot To Relationships Topic

SPEAKER_02 5:07

I'm doing my first episode on Miss Drive, so all right, but uh speaking of um it's crazy how you went there.

SPEAKER_01 5:20

We're gonna talk about you know in the relationships. You just led right into it. That was smooth, dog. He talked he he ended the relationship with mixed vibes and probably me as a friend, but we're gonna talk about any of the and I got the perfect segue too.

SPEAKER_02 5:36

When you in the relationship, shit. We I ain't got no title.

SPEAKER_01 5:41

Shit, no title. Oh, you had a title. It was uh it was it was vice president of mixed vibes.

SPEAKER_02 5:50

I I relinquished my my role.

How Men And Women Handle Breakups

SPEAKER_01 5:53

I birth birth through the title away. Situation shit over here, yeah. It's real at her, but yeah, so we're gonna talk about we're gonna talk about breakups we're gonna talk about being breakups, breakups and still being cordial with the person. Um, but before we get into being cordial, we gotta talk about the actual breakup. Because we all have been through breakups or divorces in some of us cases, but breakups of divorce, and they say men handle breakups differently do women than women. They say women be and they feel and sob sad, and then men go out and get up under something, and then a month later they be sad and they be sad for a longer time. Do we feel like this is true?

SPEAKER_02 6:41

So it's uh it's it's per person, you know, it's like each one. Because I I've haven't been through a breakup in a long time. I but I've been through my a number of breakups in my time. Uh and as of recently, I've witnessed breakups more than anything, right? So I can speak on the the breakups I've witnessed lately the most, right? And I've seen people get out of relationships and go shit wild crazy, like I'm talking about. Nigga, if you're breathing and you can have a baby, they own you. Like they don't, they don't care. You feel me? Like they owe you, nigga. Hey, I get to each they don't, but I've seen people get out of relationships, out of marriages, yeah, and lock in with the next one. Now, each person I kind of have like worries about. I think you need a steady balance, right? Like you can you can be out there in the streets, but like go through like the natural process of dating and shit. You feel me? Like you ain't gotta chase everything, chase one, see what it's like, don't rush into it, and then see how it progresses. But who am I to say I've never got a divorce?

SPEAKER_01 8:05

Okay. Uh I can speak for me. When I went through breakups, I was devastated. I can't think of the time when I after my breakup, I went out here and started wowing immediately. And I wasn't even the let me see who's in my phone where I can go to strike something. No, like I was emotionally devastated. I was unhurt, like the real relationships, like actual relationships, not the situationships. Because you know, situationships they actually hurt worse. My actions ain't the same, but the pain is worse because this the situationships ending for me is always the the what if. Then I it's a what if it is like a mental thing of okay, why didn't this progress into the actual full-blown relationships? So situationships for me hit harder than actual breakups of most most of the time. But then my actual breakups, man, I was overheard. I was uh I got Bow Wow out of my system on repeat, you know what I mean? Like that was my breakup song. Out of my system was my breakup song. Bow boy, that man got me through some songs. Got me through me through some songs, through some breakups. Out of my system, they did uh uh Aaron Hall, Missing You. You know what I'm saying? It'd be all emotional in the crib and stuff for me. I personally talk about my breakups.

SPEAKER_02 9:28

Yeah, that's that that's that teddy bear shit.

SPEAKER_01 9:31

Hey bro, that's what that's what they call it.

Coping Styles: Grief, Rebounds, Reflection

SPEAKER_02 9:34

I get it, Luther. I mean, it's all good. You feel me? Like see, for for me personally, I can't I don't I don't can't get I don't get super sad, you feel me? Uh but I don't I don't start chasing immediately either. I kind of like I like to have a moment to myself. Like I like a little have like self-reflection, like what was my downfall in this relationship?

SPEAKER_01 10:00

Like a moment of clarity.

SPEAKER_02 10:02

Yeah, you gotta have that moment. Like you need that just to because it I mean, you can't get into something else immediately. It's like when you go to the fragrance store and they and they smell one thing, then they want to give you the coffee. You feel me? To reset them your your nose and your sense so you can smell the next thing accurately, and that's how it is, you know. You gotta have a little coffee in between the relationships.

SPEAKER_01 10:27

I ain't gonna lie, you did you said something that's very mature of you. That is some dope shit right there. It is. He said you have some time to self-reflect and see what you did wrong in the relationship, and it takes me a minute before I get to that stage. I'm damn near I'm damn near the next relationship when I start analyzing what I did wrong in the other one because I guess I'm stuck still devastated from from the hard work.

SPEAKER_02 10:54

But then you but then you about those same mistakes to your new relationship.

SPEAKER_01 10:58

That's why that's why I said it. I think I do learn from my previous mistakes, but I think I learned, I guess I learned over time, but I'm actually learning in the moment when I'm going through the new relationship and the same situations arose, and I see that I did okay. I remember that didn't go over so well when I did it last time. So let me change my habits. But I get when I'm when the actual breakup, I don't really be self-reflecting enough. I think I need to sit back and like you said, have a moment of clarity in okay, where was the downfall? Why did we actually what what was the reasons why we actually broke up? Because majority of the time, it's a snowball effect breakup, it's stuff over time that causes the breakup. Like in my situation, uh Joe, what about you?

Situationships And The What-If Pain

SPEAKER_00 11:49

So I'll say that whenever, like, so me and my I I keep on saying I keep on saying my wife, but it's my ex-wife. Well, it's it will be as soon as this stuff gets finalized. But when it first occurred, you know what I'm saying, we split up officially. I moved out last March, but I'd say it was about January when, you know what I'm saying, we really started to when I let her know, like, hey, you know, this this is running its course, we can't do this anymore, you know what I'm saying? We we gotta we gotta part ways here. I just decided I didn't want to deal with feelings at that point, and I started drinking like every day as often as I could. I was just you know, but let me just get high as fuck, let me avoid emotions, let me avoid any kind of feeling, any pain, anything like that. If you had a man, I tell you what, like you talk about like any dude would run out there and find anybody who you know he could impregnate. Well, I can't impregnate shit. Thank you, Lord. But yeah, I was just out there, I was a slut, dude.

SPEAKER_02 13:02

Yeah, they don't necessarily be looking to impregnate, they just want to make sure they can actually have babies so they know it ain't my man.

SPEAKER_01 13:10

Yes, yes, I don't know that's what she was going.

SPEAKER_00 13:15

But yeah, I mean that's that's straight up where my my mentality was just, you know, I'm on dating apps. Like, what are you doing tonight? Oh, well, I mean, you could be doing me. All right, cool, let's get this done. Like, and it wasn't until when I got tired of doing all that shit, like you saying, you know, with the coffee situation, like you need to stop and you need to, you know, smell the coffee, take a reset. When I finally did that, that was me saying, okay, I need to stop, you know, avoiding my emotions, avoiding the pain, stop drinking, stop smoking. And I just became like a total fucking wreck for probably a good, let's say two weeks. So I feel like guys, like we do, we do handle this stuff very differently than women, man. We we just go out there and start for myself speaking, I just ran them up.

SPEAKER_02 14:21

It's common, like you ain't gonna be.

SPEAKER_00 14:23

Yeah, it really is. You know, more people I talk to, the more I see that that is something that a lot of dudes do.

SPEAKER_02 14:31

Yeah, no, how they do what they pain though, like it could be a coping mechanism.

SPEAKER_01 14:36

I was gonna say, but isn't that more so just asking? Wouldn't that be more so running from the pain by ignoring it?

SPEAKER_00 14:44

That's what I started to feel like, yeah.

Time Alone And Personal Accountability

SPEAKER_02 14:46

It's like you well, it's to me, it's it's like um you're ignoring it, and the way you're ignoring it is by distracting yourself, right? So if you're distracted, if you got a mean things going on, you ain't thinking about the other thing that's going wrong. Yeah, you know, it's just what it is.

SPEAKER_00 15:11

So it's like you're doing anything you can to put that off, to put reality off, to step up like, oh, oh, I see pain coming. I see pain, it's right there. Uh, I don't want that right now. You find a way to avoid that. You don't feel like that's counterproductive though? Very okay, very counterproductive.

SPEAKER_02 15:31

Yeah, I mean, people do stuff that's uh what's that self-dudgermental to themselves all the time, you know. Yeah, we it's it's almost unnatural to do those things, right? Like just because it's it's even though you know it's gonna end wrong, you just hope it don't end wrong, you know? Like you know it ain't gonna end in your favor, but you just hope it don't end in your favor, and sometimes you know what, it ain't as bad as it seems so we always kind of wishing and hoping for that.

SPEAKER_01 16:10

Yeah, nah, uh I think I guess running from the pain. I guess when you finally deal with it, I wonder, does that make it harder once you actually start dealing with it? Is or if you had compared to dealing with it at the time, but I guess that's kind of hard to like actually evaluate. Is it harder to deal with it then or is it harder to deal with it later? Because at the end of the day, it's probably gonna be the same pain.

SPEAKER_02 16:36

Because you still go you're still dealing with the same issues or whatnot, but yeah, so it's like when somebody found out a secret, you know, even even happened 10 years ago, they found out today. It's it ain't it happened 10 years ago today, it happened today, you know. Like we're still dealing with that.

SPEAKER_01 16:58

Nah, that yeah, that's a great that is a great analogy. It is like a secret. It hit today, so it's it's still gonna hit the same, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:09

Yeah, that's fresh to me.

SPEAKER_01 17:12

Yeah, no, but okay, so going through the breakup pro we talking about the breakup, going through the breakup process. Joe, you made an interesting point because you're still cordial with your ex-wife, ex-wife, correct? Oh, yeah. You get a lot of judgment from that. Why do you think you get a lot of judgment from that?

SPEAKER_00 17:35

I think a lot of people would rather I feel like we exist in a world where it's easier to have hate and anger, you know what I'm saying, in our hearts. Like people identify more with that, you know, that's a more anywhere you mean you can look at like reality shows, you can look at any kind of thing, you can look at social media, like the things that get the most views, the things that generate the most responses and such are always negativity, you know. I'm saying your headlines, a headline that says something like, you know, I'm saying, man saves puppy from drowning is not gonna get the same headline, you know, like same reaction, the same like clipper as yeah, as like as somebody who's like man kills puppy while wearing a MAGA hat and screaming he loves ice or something crazy, you know what I'm saying? Just off the wall shit, like people drawn to that, and so when people hear, you know, I'm saying, like any kind of positivity, they're just kind of like ew. And I hear so many people like I was talking to somebody a couple weeks ago, and I told them, you know, I'm like, yeah, you know, I've been talking with my uh my girlfriend, and you know, we're progressing the relationship, and the first thing they want to say is they're like, Oh, I bet that just pisses off your ex-wife so bad, she's gotta be so angry or whatever. And I'm like, No, actually, I was just texting her about that prior to having this conversation with you. You know, she's happy, and she's telling me about her relationship and where she's at, and I'm very happy for her. And just like their faces get twisted and they look like disgusted, like they don't know how to process that, you know what I'm saying? That kind of thing. They're just like, y'all are still cool with each other. It's like, yeah, just because we separated and realized that our journey together ended does not mean that we need to stop right there and wish, you know, I'm saying, wish any kind of negativity on each other, you know. It's like I still want to see her grow, I still want to see her progress into being the best version of her and finding her happiness the same that she wants that for me. Why is it that when we split up that we should be immediately like clashing or you know, I'm saying, like just going at each other with with any kind of you know malice in our hearts? Like, what's the purpose of that? What does that do for anybody?

Running From Pain Vs Facing It

SPEAKER_01 20:11

I think that takes a level of I think like me and you talked about, I think it takes a level of maturity that most people does not do not possess because like you said, they I think a lot of people look at it from their perspective of okay, if I've been with my my partner for X amount of years, we break up, and then I see them move on and be with somebody else, even if I moved on, I think they're going you're gonna be upset about it, and they it's gonna bother you, so they project that energy onto you. I think that's a lot of I think that's a lot of what it is. I could be wrong, but I think they they put themselves in their shoes and be like, oh, it couldn't be me, basically.

SPEAKER_00 20:52

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 20:54

And that it takes like for the well, you yes, it takes a level in the course you have a new partner, it takes a lot of it takes a lot of maturity to even be where you all are at in your relationships, and with all the other added factors. Yes, I can speak for me. Will I'm gonna ask you in a minute. Having a partner that's still cool with a ex, like an actual ex, not like a or a person they used to be married to. Because I won't separate ex and partner compared to like uh a uh for lack of better terms, baby mom and baby dad. You said me or joke. I'm talking about me, then I'm gonna ask you. Okay. Because me and you both like we got your wife has a relationship with someone because she she got kids with somebody else. Yeah, and then the same thing for me. I got a kid with somebody else, so we no longer together. So I want to separate. Those people because we kind of have to have relationships with those people because of the fact we raising these people, we raising these humans. But my ex being cool with somebody dead they don't have a child with. Cool with okay. Well, how what's the level of cool? Because I think that's where my maturity is. How cool? How often we talk about? How often y'all talking? How what are y'all talking about? What is there really to talk about? You know what I mean? For me, I'm okay. I'm okay with it, but I guess there's certain levels of okay with it, if that makes sense. You know, I don't think you're okay with it. Don't do it, it don't at all. But it's okay if you okay, because let's y'all been y'all was married, whatever. Y'all was married and y'all spent some time together, and y'all check on each other, or y'all just say happy birthday or whatever, or Merry Christmas. Like, okay, that's cool, but them hit you up on a random Tuesday just to check on you or every other Tuesday, then I think that's where I'm like, uh why for who and for what? But I guess that's my brain, and maybe I'm not sure enough for the like the relationships that Joe is going through.

Staying Cordial With An Ex

SPEAKER_02 23:13

If you had that, if you had that time with each other, then I mean time creates creates bonds. So if that didn't, if it didn't end ugly, like it seems like for Joe and them, they're at a good space and they can both see that they're better without each other, and they can go on and live their lives and support each other because they care for each other from the amount of time they spent with each other and and the bond they've built from that. So people can't understand that because it's a hate-filled world. If you want to say that, first of all, thrives on hate more than it does on love. But you know, if if you have that relationship with somebody, then I can't really expect you to turn that off. So I have to understand what I'm getting into right away. You feel me? So, like when I come in, I gotta know I she was with dude for five, six years. They're gonna have memories that she can't just forget. Right. And if they're and and if they're not, and there's no animosity towards each other, then why should they hate each other?

SPEAKER_01 24:29

But I don't know if I'm speaking for them hate each other.

SPEAKER_02 24:32

Well, why should they not even be able to be cordial to the point to where they speak like friends? They're not they're not pursuing the relationship. The relationship is dead. Joe knows his marriage is was dead, so they're going through the process again a divorce. So, with that being said, the relationship's dead, he's not gonna pursue her, she's not gonna pursue him, and what's the problem with them being friends just like co-workers?

SPEAKER_01 24:56

Right, right. I don't again, I'm talking about my level of maturity. That for me, everybody handles, you know, I ain't gotta tell y'all, everybody handles everything differently. My level of maturity is I don't know if I'm at that that level of maturity of the or like where Joe is, the for example. That's why I give Joe all the credit in the world because he can handle that. Um I can honestly say that I don't feel like I can. I can handle the you know, a random check-in or a you know, I'm saying a holiday or a birthday or whatever the case may be, but regular communication, I just think I ain't at that level because and maybe it is it speaks to my own insecurities, like I'm like I referenced earlier. I just don't know if I'm okay with it because I don't know if I have that strong of a mental. I get it, yeah. Oh, they that's like you know, and like I said, but it don't make you wrong though. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:02

No, you understand where you are with it and how you approach the situation. Case by case scenario.

SPEAKER_01 26:11

That's a perfect way to say it. Yeah, it's a case-by-case scenario for me. It's and it ain't or uh I I guess we you talked about self-reflection earlier. It is a moment of self-reflection of myself. I can see where I'm at and where I'm where I still have room to grow. Yeah, and I'm and I'm also comfortable enough to meet admit my insecurities. That's one thing I always say. Like something about if I'm insecure about something, I'm okay with saying that.

SPEAKER_02 26:41

But it's also a case by case, though, honestly, right? Like, if you meet the dude and he's a good dude, and he sees you a good dude, and y'all got good vibes, you ain't gonna be as tight about the about dude contacting you, you know.

New Partners And Old Bonds

SPEAKER_01 26:59

You may be honest. I'm still gonna be tight. You know what I mean? I can beat dude, I can see dude, we can have a great conversation. I'm still gonna be like all right, cuz uh I mean, man, y'all didn't y'all just talk two days ago? What we you feel me?

SPEAKER_02 27:23

Like, uh what I'm actually understanding like he calling her like like the homegirl, you feel me? I guess it's a different thing, but I don't know. I mean, I'm like, maybe they was that tight, you know, and they they tried the relationship thing for a few years, like they were friends before, tried the relationship thing, that didn't work.

SPEAKER_00 27:48

I also, you know, like I would say I feel like what kind of communication that you're having would play a huge part in it too. Like when I speak of, you know, I'm saying like me and my ex still being cordial, still having communication, it's not it's not like an everyday consistent, like, you know, we're texting, you know, I mean, about like about this, that, and whatever, like full-blown conversations. It's more like uh I see this meme or I see this video or whatever on you know on Facebook or Instagram or what have you, and it reminds me of you, or I see this this band that you like is you know, got a new song out, you know, I'm gonna I'm gonna send you this message, you know, or like you know, like you even talk about with like birthdays and things, you know. Of course I'm gonna tell you, no, still happy birthday. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:42

I mean, I understand. It's probably innocent, but I would I probably I probably have a slight issue with y'all's relationship if I was another dude. Uh the way you just described it, I would probably be like, hold on. Tell the nigga off the phone talking something about uh bands and shit, and then go with that shit. It would kind of bother me a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 29:06

Yeah. Or whatever, or what the case might be. Um let me uh do one. I how do I want to ask this? Is there should there be unspoken rules though when could still be communicating with your ex?

SPEAKER_00 29:27

Oh, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 29:29

Okay, so obviously we don't have to mention all the big ones, but what is like some of the smaller things that you if you still gonna be attempting to cordial with your ex, what is some of the smaller things that we probably that you shouldn't do? Obviously, we know the big things. Well, what is like some of the smaller things? I guess overcommunicating could be one thing. Give me like one example of a big thing. I was gonna say, like, over-communicate could be one thing, like me and you talked about.

SPEAKER_02 29:57

That could be considered small because you can just scale it back just a little bit, and your partner, your new partner or might just be okay, you know, whatever. Okay, but what about me? Like a big thing is like like y'all still talking about like your sexual adventures and shit.

Boundaries For Ex Communication

SPEAKER_00 30:14

Yeah, I was gonna say, yeah, that's a definite no no. I was gonna say any any kind of stuff like that. Yeah, shouldn't that? Like, I'll say for myself, I like I made it a very, you know, like I made it very, very purposely. I avoid any kind of conversation that I feel like has any kind of sexual under undertones to it or anything, you know what I'm saying? Like, I don't I don't send any kind of memes that have any kind of like you know sexual reference to them, or I ain't hell, I won't even say something like kiss my ass or suck my dick or nothing like that. You know, I feel like yeah, all that's just that's one thing, you know what I'm saying? Like, I try to avoid anything that has any type of sexual reference to it whatsoever because I do feel like that crosses a line. Yeah, I feel you that's respectful though.

SPEAKER_01 31:05

Yeah, I was gonna say that's respect that. Like, all right, well, it's just putting the okay at that point. What about talking to your ex about your new city your new relationship with a no-no? That's a no-no, right? I will assume that's that's straight off no.

SPEAKER_02 31:21

Well, I don't believe you should put too many people in your relationship in jail. That's true. You're right, 100%. Yes, you gotta hold it tight. Uh, your homegirls, uh you know, you can you can have somebody you confide in, but you gotta make sure they're tight-lipped, and yes, and they don't form an opinion about your your spouse or your partner because then that's a negative affecting relationship.

SPEAKER_00 31:47

Yeah, one thing that I also don't like the idea of ever texting your ex and being like, I miss you, I miss us, you know what I'm saying, or like reflecting on that kind of thing, like in that sense. Yeah, I don't maybe that's the immaturity thing, but to me, that just sounds like when you say something like that, that you're longing for that relationship again.

SPEAKER_02 32:11

Yeah, to me, it's not like you try to rekindle it.

SPEAKER_00 32:14

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's like that sounds to me like the first thing I thought.

SPEAKER_02 32:18

Yes, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 32:22

And if you're still doing that, that means that that relationship is not fully, you are not fully over that. So you shouldn't even be fucking around in another relationship at all.

SPEAKER_01 32:33

That's a good that's a great point. So we you know, obviously no sexual conversations, um, no uh emotional conversations, because like you said, the I miss you and whatnot comes it like you said, you ain't really over it. But yeah, so it's basically a very platonic conversations and things like that. But is that easy to do when you have a history with a person? Because you know you know that person, and you can have platonic conversations as much as you can, but at some point the lines does the line get harder to maneuver because you be because you know that person, because I think it I put myself trying to put myself in this situation, I think it would because I know me as well.

SPEAKER_02 33:31

Just being honest. Like fresh out of the relationship because we have you know our inside jokes and and all that stuff probably have some type of sexual undertone to. Uh but I think as time went on and we created like memories of us not being together, it would be easier to uh hold those things.

SPEAKER_00 33:57

Yeah, you fucking hit that right on the head, dog. Yes. Like when I first when we first split up, you know what I'm saying? It was hard to do that. Like, there was a point where, you know, it wasn't anything of out of like, you know, like I say, it wasn't any animosity that we didn't really speak. It was more about trying to create that distance and create that level of, you know, of just figuring out like how do I talk to this person without it becoming that, because it used to be that. So just building up, I guess you know what I'm saying, like building that kind of a boundary up without really having. And I suppose you could just, you know, like come straight out and be like, as of right now, we are no longer talking, like, but for me, it was just easier to be like, let's create this little bit of space between us so that we can both grow into ourselves and our future, and when we communicate now, we can talk about current, you know, I'm saying, like current events of like, well, how's things going with you? You know, well, this is what I've been up to. What have you been up to? Like, you know, she tells me now, you know, about like the guy she's with, and he's got three kids, you know, and these kids love her, and I think that's fucking beautiful that she finally gets to be a mother that she's always wanted to be, and so I love hearing about that, and that helps me to not be like to see her, I guess, in a different light to where I don't see her in that same manner and think about those kinds of things, if that makes sense at all.

Space, Distance, And New Norms

SPEAKER_01 35:30

Yeah, that no, it makes it makes a lot of sense, yeah. So being cordial with your ex, I was gonna try to do it for the sake of this podcast because maybe people know like the original, the original setup hold up and another thing was me and my ex. And we was gonna we we always said, like, if we break up, we'll still do the pod, we'll take some time off, and then we'll come back to it. But we never came back to it. And my remember talking to my cousin Jasmine, shout out to my cousin Jasmine. She was like, But why would you put yourself through that? And I was like, What you mean? I'll be over the breakup, be over and we be good. She said, Yeah, but you would you be over it, and I can you handle her and your ex because of the stat the nature of what this podcast was, talk about relations with other people. And I was like, you know me, the yeah, I'm cool, I got it. But the more I think about it over the years, it's like, nah, I don't know if I could. And I ex reacted to one of my stories one time, and then we talked about doing the we talked about doing a pie, but I said, do one, talking about doing a pie, but I wasn't really necessarily talking about this one, I was just talking about in general you should do a podcast. But she was like, I can't, because it'd be too awkward doing a podcast with you because I don't feel like I could be myself because of dealing, you know, because I will be talking to you, and I don't think I can handle that. And so we never obviously we've never done another podcast since then, but I think I think that was for the best because I think it would drive me, it would probably drive me crazy her and her talk, because I know how she is, she's very brash and very like blunt, and I would be looking at her like I don't know, I don't want her outland. And then I think it also would it would cause me less headaches going forward in new relationships because I know the females I dealt with, I don't know if their maturity level is gonna be cool enough to be like, so you still doing a power with your ex? Yeah, okay, call me when you deal with her, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 37:49

So yeah, so I think I think it won't be that's one thing, man. Kudos, kudos to my girlfriend. Like, she is very respectful, level-headed, and understanding. Like, you know, the other day, what Sunday? Sunday, me and my ex, we we went out to brunch, so we could sit down and discuss, you know, like divorce proceedings and finances, you know what I'm saying, and then just kind of catch up on what's been going on, you know, just obviously catch up on what's been going on, you know, in people's lives and shit. Yeah, but you know, not like you're saying, not a lot of people would be able to understand that, and you know what I'm saying, to handle that well. Like they'd be like, What you went out to brunch with your ex. Oh, what well, fuck you, you know, like, and it would be so mad props to her for just being like, Oh, you know, well, how'd that go? Oh good.

SPEAKER_01 38:54

Yeah, I was gonna say give all the credit in the world, and then like it, like I told you, it speaks to a level of maturity that both all of you are possessed that a lot of us don't, include myself, be all honest, include myself.

SPEAKER_02 39:09

Well, quick, and I just want to let you know, uh, we got a special guest on the show right now. She wants to say a few words, and she's not this way.

SPEAKER_01 39:21

Oh god, ladies and gentlemen, we have a surprise for you. I always said I said one time I joked with her about it. I said, Look, one day I'm gonna put you on time about the mixed vaspile with Quag and Jersey. How about Quag and Jersey? I was like, one day I'm gonna put you on earth. I'm just gonna get off. Y'all go here yet.

SPEAKER_02 39:43

Yeah, I just sit here and read the engineer.

SPEAKER_01 39:45

And I ain't gonna be the engineer, I'm just gonna literally watch it.

SPEAKER_02 39:50

You ain't never watched the episode. I'm gonna log off, huh?

SPEAKER_01 39:52

I mean, I'm gonna hear it to I gotta put it up and edit it now, like whatever the case may be.

SPEAKER_02 39:57

But yeah, if you want to do a podcast, you gotta edit it.

SPEAKER_01 40:00

Yeah, I don't think I'm gonna edit that one. It'll just go up.

Why A Joint Pod With An Ex Is Hard

SPEAKER_02 40:04

Put an archive, unedited, uncensored, unfiltered, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:09

Oh but nah, I it's all good. It's all good, that's good. But uh, last question before we get out of here. What you think about the Super Bowl halftime show?

SPEAKER_02 40:24

Um, I like the visuals. I mean, that's all I can say. I didn't speak the language, I didn't think it was bad, uh, as far as like what I like the visuals of it. I thought it was pretty cool. Uh learning the messages of some of the visuals after the show was uh even better. Um I don't know, I guess for me, I didn't understand the music. I didn't understand the language, but um I've listened to music, I don't understand language as well before. Um would I prefer to maybe see somebody else? Uh probably probably lean towards you. Um just being honest. I didn't hate it though. I wasn't up in arms, but like some people. It just wasn't necessarily my first choice.

SPEAKER_01 41:12

Yeah, it became a war of wars, uh a war of words at her as a well.

SPEAKER_02 41:17

I ain't had no hate though, see, that's the problem. Everybody just leading with hate, everybody just wanna hate on each other all the time. That shouldn't equal nothing, bro. He was trying to tell y'all to stop hating all the time. That's the sad part. He was literally tell y'all to do y'all that hate. And um, but you know, it's just the world we live in. They gonna hate. Yeah, no. You give them a reason to, and everything you do is a reason to.

SPEAKER_01 41:45

It's crazy. Like you said, the message that the whole message, it was at the end was about not being hateful and uh loving everyone, basically loving all Americans or whatever the case may be. And that was not what you as soon as you got on social media. That was not what the situation happened. That was not the case, it was nothing but hate. Nothing but hate. Uh Joe, what you think about it?

SPEAKER_00 42:10

Well, I'm uh I'm gonna tell you right now, I'll be honest, I didn't watch any part of the Super Bowl whatsoever. You know, you know, I'm not a big, I'm not big into sports, and I did not catch, I still have not seen that halftime show. All I've done is read reports, seen all the clips of it, I know all the visuals. But I'm I'm like Will over here, man. Like, I even though I don't understand the language, that never stopped me from listening to Daddy Yankee. I'll tell you that. Like, I still don't know you know, I told whoop, Dalla Gasolina, I don't know nothing. I've heard I've heard he's saying some really raunchy shit right there, but you feel the energy of these songs. It's like you can just feel that, and you can feed off of that energy. Like, I've listened to songs in so many different languages where it's like, I don't know what word you're saying. You could be saying something about I'm an idiot for listening to your song, but damn, you sound like you were so enthusiastic about it, bro. I'm I'm hooked. The visuals and the message that he was putting out there was so fucking beautiful, you know. Like, we all just need to come together and love each other, you know. And the thing that I really loved was when he started talking about like, you know, God bless America and shit, and he naming off every country in America. And I feel like there are so many of these people out here who want to constantly preach about, you know, uh let's make America great again. And you know, it's like, do you remember that America is more than just the United States? Like the America is so many different countries, America is so many different cultures and so many different people that I I don't know. It's like it's not America is not defined as just one specific group. It is so many different kinds. And for him to acknowledge all that, I thought that was beautiful. It's unfortunate that you see so much hatred come out of it though.

SPEAKER_01 44:22

So when you think when you think of the United States, you think of me personally, you think of the mo the melting pot, the molting pot, where everything is mixed together. And you think of all of these countries from Central America and South America who come to the United States and build part of their and embrace build their culture here as from their homelands. And I think it's important for it to be represented. I feel like that was my biggest takeaway of have just from bad bunny performed at the Super Bowl in general, that it was it's okay. I think it's okay, and I think it was a good thing because simple fact the Hispanics and the people from that culture, they want to be represented too. I didn't, I didn't, it's just me. I'm gonna go on a rant her for a little minute, so y'all give me a look at that. I really understand how African Americans was upset about the performance because they was like it's not American. Like if you didn't like it because you didn't understand the language, okay, cool. I I mean uh I just I disagree, but I could that I can understand, right? Not liking the Super Bowl performance because it's not American and you are African American to me is like you remember when we was we weren't getting halftime shows? Yeah, yeah, we just had Kendrick, we just had Kendrick Lomar last year, and he was making all types of statements. You think when Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre first came out, it was ever a thought or a possibility that they was gonna be the halftime show? So we got to the point to where we can have Snoop Dogg and Dre and Mary J and 50 Cent on this stage, even Eminem on this stage, but we have an issue with bad bunny because it ain't American when he was making all type of statements about his country, and we you know his country is a territory of the United States. Let's not act like that's not a thing as well. I didn't understand it's just for me. Us as African Americans always want to preach about inclusion, but then act like inclusion stops with us. Inclusion goes on to everyone who who does not look who's not a Caucasian. Everybody wants inclusion. So why are we hating on them hate getting their moment in the sun? We had ours, we had Usher, we'd have had Kendrick, like hey, let them get let them have a moment in the sun too, because they they are deserving, and then let's be honest, man. Buddy is deserving. You know the numbers that man be putting up. But that was that's just what I wanted to say. I have had time to get that off on mixed man, so I just wanted to say here. I appreciate y'all. Uh Mr. Brake Glass yourself, I appreciate you doing pod, sir. Even though you, you know what I'm saying, you you said you're done with the vibes. Let's go.

SPEAKER_02 47:29

I wouldn't let you know all the uh other studios who've been hitting my inbox. Uh go ahead. I unblocked y'all during the show. Uh y'all can hit me and uh we can talk to numbers. Y'all know who y'all are. I ain't gonna call y'all out. You know, I ain't even gonna say y'all name in a cough. You know, it's food season. You see sick after fake cough. Uh so I just want to thank everybody for listening to me rant about bullshit. And uh, I'm always happy to be on the show. So whenever he brings me back to be a guest again, uh um to my agents.

SPEAKER_01 48:11

Okay. Uh uh, I got my people got hitch your people. Is that where we're in now? Okay, I respect.

SPEAKER_02 48:16

No, just shoot me, just shoot me an email, man.

SPEAKER_01 48:20

Don't even message me no more, bro. Shoot me.

SPEAKER_02 48:25

No, thank you. Yeah, something happened and uh you ended up on the other list. I was not so I might not see your messages that fast. So you email me though.

SPEAKER_01 48:39

Okay. Uh you'll get back to me when you get.

SPEAKER_02 48:41

Yeah, oh yeah, yeah. My my agent stays on my emails.

SPEAKER_01 48:45

Okay. I I will I appreciate your time on this one, I do. Um, Joe, appreciate your time as well, and also introducing the topic as well. Of course, sir.

SPEAKER_00 48:57

Anytime, anytime. Uh always a pleasure, a privilege.

SPEAKER_02 49:00

Well, congratulations on the new show y'all got coming out.

SPEAKER_00 49:05

We're gonna shop it to UPN next, actually.

SPEAKER_02 49:07

I'm I'm pretty sure they'll pick it up. They'll pick up anything they can throw in the garbage. Uh I'm I'm happy for y'all. Uh I mean let me know y'all's release date is though. Uh seriously. So we are gonna drop it because I'll make sure my show drops on that day too. I love this. I love it. Hey, thank y'all for 50 and Kanye went crazy. Yeah, yes, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:39

We were talking about that the other day. 50 and Kanye both was going back and forth. One of them did way more numbers than the other one.

SPEAKER_02 49:46

Um, Kanye.

SPEAKER_01 49:48

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 49:50

That's cool.

SPEAKER_01 49:51

I don't even know if I want to be Kanye at this point.

SPEAKER_02 49:55

But nothing. Kanye seems remorseful. He's trying to get back on the good side.

SPEAKER_01 50:00

He also got an album coming out.

SPEAKER_00 50:03

I just gotta say, man, I feel like Kanye's remorseful every like six to eight months or something. I don't know. I've heard him apologize for his actions a few times.

SPEAKER_02 50:13

Me, I'm still listening to college dropouts, so I couldn't even tell you about no new Kanye shit.

SPEAKER_00 50:17

Yeah, nah, man. That's a funny college drop out late registration. That was yeah.

Closing Banter And Sign-Off

SPEAKER_01 50:24

Back when Kanye back when Kanye was Kanye. Yeah. Before all right. Well, thank y'all for listening to another episode of Hold Up and another thing presented by Mixed Vise Media. Y'all already know the vibes. We'll catch y'all in the next one. Peace.