Men’s Mental Health, Unfiltered

We talk through what men’s mental health looks like when life is heavy, money is tight, and you still feel expected to be the rock. We get honest about coping, fatherhood, dating, and the kind of support system that makes it easier to stay here and keep going. 
• checking in on where our mental health really is right now 
• why men are taught to bottle things up and push through 
• finances as a trigger and how provider pressure hits self-worth 
• why asking for help feels harder than it should 
• double standards that police what counts as “manly” 
• coping habits that harm versus coping that heals 
• building a brotherhood you can be vulnerable with 
• social media and comparison stress that warps reality 
• fatherhood as motivation, purpose, and emotional support 
• dating and relationships as either peace or added pressure 
Fellas, if you are in need of help, don't be afraid to go and go to therapy, bro. 
Reach out to your homeboys. Make sure they're okay. Just ask them. Are you alright? You talk about anything? Are you sure? 

Youtube   to https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLPIs6Ko7BCc9l5jlE5AbAUqZ0gAOhmuq-

https://mixed-vibez-drip.printify.me/

Transcript

Welcome To Men’s Mental Health Month

SPEAKER_05 0:03

What it do, what it is. You already know the vibes. It's your boy, Mr. Bell. AKAK say your name up on the spot. Might not with you to mind. June is men's mental health life. And I feel like we need to have a conversation about men and their mental health. So I brought my fellow my favorite two fellas with me. Uh, first, Mr. Burke Glass himself. Hello, women.

SPEAKER_03 0:28

What's going on, everybody? Hope everybody's having a good mental health month and has taken the time to absorb the world for what it is.

SPEAKER_05 0:39

Uh and then, what's up, Jeff? Hey, what's up with you, Q? How you doing today, man? I am doing. That's what I was saying. I am doing. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Yeah. A living? I'm trying to do what I'm doing is trying to live at this point. But uh I got I got Joe here, I got Will here, we got Teddy here as well. We ain't had Teddy on the pod in a minute. Teddy's here, but he's gonna be here in a second. But I'm gonna go ahead and get it started.

How We’re Really Doing Today

SPEAKER_05 1:11

And uh Bill, let me ask you how you feel like your mental health is right now.

SPEAKER_03 1:22

So me personally, I don't I don't pay much attention uh to my mental health. Uh I feel like I can I've been through so much throughout life that I figure that life's gonna continue to go on strong or not. So I just kinda sweep it under the rug. I don't really deal with it. Uh but I don't ever really see um the effects of my mental health. I just try to kind of wrap it all up into both act like it don't why you think it is?

SPEAKER_06 2:12

Uh I guess it's the easiest way to deal with shit, right?

SPEAKER_03 2:19

To be really honest, I can come out and tell you take time out and do yoga and all this bullshit. No, I don't do all that. Uh I just keep it moving. That's how I do it to help. Keep it moving. Uh I guess I always think that like somebody's gonna do more than I am to be happy that you're not them and just keep.

SPEAKER_05 2:46

Yeah, now I I go through that myself a lot as well. Uh Joe, what about you? Same question. How do you feel like your mental health is man?

SPEAKER_01 2:55

I'm gonna be honest with you right now, it's been better, it's also been worse. But you know, like for instance, as you are, where I just had my surgery, I'm out of work right now. Um they cut off my my disability check. I gotta go through getting all that back. So it's like I'm literally waking up in the morning with 37 cents in my bank account. I'm blessed because it ain't in the negatives, but also, you know, I'm looking on my girlfriend like, I'm sorry I can't contribute right now. Like, it is what it is. I mean, I'll bounce back. So, but you know, ups and downs, man, ups and downs.

SPEAKER_05 3:35

I think that's the uh best way for me. I'm not at my best place, but I was laying at my worst. I mean, we uh my job recently went through some changes, so my money ain't what it used to be. It took a pay took a pay deal, and I every week I'm looking at my paycheck like oh yeah, that's right. I don't get paid as much as I used to, yeah. Great. I'm gonna make do with what I can, I guess. And then you try to make do and something ain't get due, something else is due. So right, you know what I'm saying? So I think that's the perfect way to describe my mental hell right now. Ain't the worst is being sure it's not the best. But Joe man I feel like this is just me, and you could I want you to tell me if you if you see to feel the same way if I'm wrong.

Why Men Still Hide Pain

SPEAKER_05 4:37

I feel like the mental health for a man Joe and here will. Well sucked. I feel like the mental health for a man, it became a topic here recently. It ain't always been a thing. I feel like it became a thing in the past couple years.

SPEAKER_03 4:54

Yeah, yeah, almost definitely. Uh it it wasn't always a thing. Uh, and they say that it wasn't a thing because men were supposed to just be rocks, right? Yeah, it goes back to as simple as men don't cry. Like that statement in itself lets you know how mental health probably was at that time, right? Like that that looked at us for a looked with us for a long time. Men don't cry, so you knew they didn't take mental health into consideration. You just are strong because you're a man, right? Like you don't show cracks because you're the man, and it's just what it was. So uh eventually people start thinking like, hey, man, humans too, and they go through shit. So yeah, they we should be worried about their mental health because if they are gonna be those strong individuals that we want them to be, they at least need to be able to be those strong individuals.

SPEAKER_05 6:01

Yeah, no, I I agree. Like, I don't I can't think of when the turning point was. I think a lot of stuff I point to, I think we had this conversation before was COVID. I point to COVID and things became, I think the world, especially this country, but I will say the world, has become more open to other ideas or thoughts. I think maybe a little bit before then, it became okay for men to say my mental health ain't the best right then. Um when somebody says mental health to you, a man's mental health, what do you think? Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 6:44

Honestly, I think it's a good thing that we can finally have this discussion. That's the first thing on the top of my head.

SPEAKER_06 6:49

Is I'm happy that we've reached a point in while where it's not as taboo as it used to be to even bring that up. And also think about how you know, even though we haven't made progress, it's still so much progress that we need to make.

SPEAKER_05 7:06

And now, um right, we not where we used to be, but we we father from where like exactly, exactly. Father from where we used to be.

SPEAKER_06 7:24

Yes.

Teddy On Carrying Too Much

SPEAKER_05 7:27

All right, Teddy's in the building. Teddy, uh, well, let me ask you, because I asked him too. How's your mental health orientation?

SPEAKER_00 7:34

Um life is and every man gonna understand this when I say this. Life is just life. You know, you're gonna have your ups, you're gonna have your downs, but you know, there's nothing really you can do but get up in the morning and be like, alright, I'm still alive, so why not knock it out?

SPEAKER_06 7:56

That's very true.

SPEAKER_00 7:57

And I know it sucks to say that, because like, you know, we we go through mad stuff. Like, I'm a single father, you feel me, of a a six-year-old autistic daughter, and I also take care of my handicapped 70-year-old mother on top of that. And like, I was just even telling her today, like, yo, you don't understand, like, I need a break. And it's hard to ask for that when you got two people sitting here, like, hey bro, we can't move unless you move, so what you got going on? So it's been up and down, it's a roller coaster, but every day I try to be better.

SPEAKER_05 8:43

Yeah, uh, I'm gonna ask all you have to tell you since you just talk about my ass you know.

Coping When Anger Spikes

SPEAKER_05 8:48

When you go into the damn art, how do you try to bring yourself out of it?

SPEAKER_00 8:56

You want the God honest truth? God honest truth. I'm either gonna crash out or I'm gonna smoke a bullet and sit on my patio with a cup with a cup of whiskey or a cup of inner seat. So it's it's gonna be one of two ways. Like, I'm not even gonna hold you, like, even today, like a dude cut me off in traffic and then break check me. So I'm like, I bet I got my daughter in the car too. So I pulled up next to him. We had a red light now, and you know, I live in Texas. I literally took my thing out and I scratched my head with it, and I was like, hey bro, you don't know the day that people be having. Chill out. I'll pull up on him at the red light. Come on, bro. My my child in the car, bro. You know how I feel it. And like you you you break checking people on the highway. Alright, you're gonna have to tell me about that. Yeah, you're gonna have to tell me about that. Alright, you don't know how I feel today. You don't know what I even had to go through today. You don't know how hard it was for me to get up on my bed and you playing games with somebody's life, and only thing they're trying to do right now is survive. Be be be smart about what you're doing. I'm not about to cause you no pain because I don't know what day you having. Shit, I'll piss you off, you liable to pull out your thing and shoot me.

SPEAKER_06 10:28

It's so damn true, y'all.

SPEAKER_05 10:31

Driving as much as I do, driving causes me mental health problems. People, I just see so much in his life, but whether it be people not getting over for semi miles, people like you said, people doing the brake checking, people speeding up, cutting you off to go nowhere.

SPEAKER_00 10:50

Go to the same run light you going to.

SPEAKER_05 10:53

Now I gotta slam on my brakes. You could have just stayed where you was at, or you sped in front of me to turn in front of me. So now I got a break. Well, you could have just got behind because there's no other cars back there. Don't get me started. Joe, you know, as much as me drive, mental health.

SPEAKER_07 11:15

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_05 11:16

Oh man.

SPEAKER_00 11:18

Like people are going through. You never know what somebody's going through. And like I I come from the hood, bro. I've literally watched people crash out over five dollars. Imagine somebody you playing with somebody's life.

SPEAKER_05 11:39

That's a that's a head out of time, man. Life is so precious, and you gotta take advantage of the one you get because there is no other Joe.

Substances, The Gym, And Reality

SPEAKER_05 11:49

When you same question I asked Teddy, uh, when you get down, when the mental health, when it becomes too much for you, how do you cope?

SPEAKER_07 11:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 11:58

How do you handle it?

SPEAKER_01 12:05

Well, I guess that depends on what kind of state of mind I'm in at that moment. Like, if I'm in a bad way and I get into a dark place, you know, it becomes a thing of substance abuse. That's that's been my whole thing, my whole life, really. Is like when I get into that bad part, I'm always ran away from like whatever I was facing. And up until last December, that was how I coped with everything. You know, it was like, oh, are you not feeling good? Oh, is your mind got you in a bad way? You can hide from all of that if you just take this or you do this, or you know what I'm saying, whatnot. I've learned now that that's you know, that doesn't necessarily get rid of the problem. That just hides the problem, that masks it. You still gotta wake up the next day and you gotta deal with that shit. And like a lot of the times it only adds on to the problem that you're facing. So as painful as it is, I've learned that the best way to deal with these things is like deal with them head on, you know. Have conversations you don't want to have. Look in the mirror at yourself, and you know what I'm saying? Like, tell yourself the good things about yourself, but also like be honest with yourself and be like, what am I doing that is unhealthy? What am I doing that I need to make a change on? Like, what can I do? What am I doing great, but also what do I need to improve upon? And I go to the gym a lot now, I'll tell you that much, because that really helps me with that mind state.

SPEAKER_05 13:41

Shaddy, Joe was in the gym. Bruh had surgery on Monday, he was in the gym on Wednesday. Not even he's not supposed to be walking. He had surgery on the on his foot. What's his leg? Was his foot leg? Oh yeah. Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. Me and me and Joe do a podcast. Bru pulled up to the house.

SPEAKER_01 14:04

I knew he was gonna bring it up, dog. I knew he was gonna bring it up.

SPEAKER_05 14:07

He ain't supposed to be first off, he ain't supposed to be walking over there. He drove all the way across the bridge to my house. He lives all the way in the southern Indiana, he done drove the wolf. Not supposed to be driving. I go to the kitchen to uh I would have I forgot. I went to the kitchen for something. I come back and open the door. I'm like, damn, but I'm like, bro, what are you doing? Like, you just said surgery, Jimmy. You ain't supposed to be what are we doing?

SPEAKER_00 14:45

So I don't know what this guy was all the same type of medication he was taking. Because the percocets that they gave me. They do it, they do it. Nothing, nothing, nothing but putting.

SPEAKER_01 15:02

They gave me those perk tens, man.

SPEAKER_00 15:04

Same year, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 15:11

Yeah. Because the 10 years got a year ago, right?

SPEAKER_00 15:16

Yeah, like on Father's Day, nigga. On Father's Day. I broke my shit on Father's Day.

SPEAKER_01 15:22

Oh damn. They uh they grafted an arch in my foot, and then they uh went in there and sliced the Achilles tendon to stretch it so it'd be longer, you know.

SPEAKER_00 15:31

So and you was fucking on crutches walking two days later. Yeah, I commend you.

SPEAKER_02 15:43

I I commend you. No, I don't commend that shit. That's stupid.

SPEAKER_05 15:48

Hey, he's alive and well right now. So shit, he did something, right? I would call I would call it stupid, I would call it dangerous.

SPEAKER_03 15:56

That's stupid. Every doctor in the world would say that's fucking stupid. You gotta you gotta heal. He's alive and well, but he probably healed a little differently because of that.

SPEAKER_01 16:09

I've had the same surgery done on my other foot, so I knew what to expect. I knew how to handle myself, and I knew what my limits were.

unknown 16:17

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 16:18

So if you know what I'm saying, it's like if it had been my first rodeo, I would have handled myself differently. But knowing what I knew about it, less than 24 hours later, I was at a heavy metal concert. Let me just tell you that.

SPEAKER_05 16:31

Hey, handle it differently. Let me tell you something. Let me I had surgery, I'm shut down. You feel me? Dog.

SPEAKER_00 16:38

I'm shut down.

SPEAKER_05 16:40

I'm like, hey man, shit. I ain't even ready to do it.

SPEAKER_00 16:44

I was a little baby when I broke my junk. Like, can you fluff this pillow for me? Can you walk my dog? Like, dog, I was in the bed. I was heartbroken. I was like, dang, yeah, I can't. Yeah, like imagine it was like, yo, you can't walk. I was like, what you mean? They like you fat. You put some weight on this shit, it's over. Chill up. I'm gonna just tell you that right now, bro.

Bottling It Up Versus Moving On

SPEAKER_05 17:18

Alright, uh, well, let me ask you, you said you wrap all of yours up. So basically you don't deal with the emotions. Is that just your coping? Is that the way you cope? That's just I'm not gonna deal with it. I'm gonna ball it all up and keep going.

SPEAKER_03 17:36

I think I got to the point to where when I ball it up, honestly, like as I sit here and listen to you guys, I'm thinking to myself, man, like I don't I don't know if it's because of like some of the shit I went through, and like it's just changed me to where I'm just happy to be alive, right? You feel me? So I don't really let too much shit try to get me down. Like, like I just don't, like, it's like I on to the next problem, on to the next life is just a series of fucking problems, right? So I just keep on trying to figure out the next thing. I don't try to get too up or down on shit. I mean, of course I have happy moments, and of course I've had bad moments where I'm just like in a rep, but I try to only stay in that rep for so long, and then I just snap back into reality. Gotta fucking keep going. My dude said he got a six-year-old, he can't stop, he has to keep going. So on his hard days, that's just a day. You feel me? Like it's you keep going, you know, and then when you're dealing with a child with autism, it's that much harder. You feel me? So you just keep going. And that's what it is for me, is I I I wouldn't necessarily say I try to hide my feelings or escape them. I just try to keep moving past them.

SPEAKER_05 19:10

Right. Right.

Finances As A Mental Health Trigger

SPEAKER_05 19:13

So I'm I want to ask y'all, if you're my turn, what are some of the things that we talk about, we're gonna talk about the ups here in a minute, but I won't talk about the downs. What are some of the things that trigger your downloads? Like for me, man is finances. It's like we talked about my job to change, so my finances are different. My pay is different. Finances to me, the minute stuff ain't going right with my finances, it's like I don't want to say like a flip of a switch where you can tell my mood changed because my pockets changed. So to me, like my biggest thing is finances. Joe, what would you say yours is?

SPEAKER_01 19:56

Mine is absolutely finances too. My biggest struggle that I have, and I was actually just having this conversation earlier with my girl, was and I I feel like this is a lot of men too, but as we are labeled, you know, I'm saying we're supposed to be providers. That's what we're always looked at. Men as providers, we're supposed to be able to provide. When you are unable, when you're put in a situation where you're unable to provide, you start looking at yourself like, what good am I? Like, what am I? You know, and so it's like I look at it like I equate my worth, like spiritually, mentally, physically, whatever, my my human, my presence, my worth is tied directly to my financial worth. It's like I look at myself and I'm like, are you good enough based on a bank account? So I definitely say finances are the thing to get me down.

SPEAKER_05 20:58

Like right now, going through it. I I probably should be asking my girl for help right now. But it's so practical in my head that I'm like, I can't do it. That's not what I'm supposed to do. It's supposed to be in reverse.

SPEAKER_00 21:19

It's so hard to ask for help as a man, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:22

Yeah, yeah. That's that's a big struggle for us.

SPEAKER_00 21:28

And it don't matter what type of help you asking for either. It's just it's it's alright. Like, don't get me wrong. We we know what we can ask for help for. Like, you can hit your bro up and be like, yo, you wanna help me move these boxes? You want all of that? But you know how hard it is to hit your bro up and actually tell him, like, yo, bruh, I need two hundred to hold me over for a week. I got you on Friday. Yeah. Are you in your head like, do my bro think I'm broke ass? Dude, like, is he gonna still be my friend at the end of this situation? Like, bro, I've I've been unemployed for so long working in DoorDash. You feel me? With with a child. You you get me? So imagine how long I'm out here in these streets working in DoorDash to do what I need to do just for my daughter, bro. And it's like you you look at yourself differently when you're in these situations, like, damn. Why why? Just and that's the question that nobody ever gets to answer. You'll never get that answer because you always ask yourself law. You'll never get that answer, but you'll always find a way. No matter how long it takes, you're gonna find that way. You're gonna kick yourself while you finding that way, but you're gonna find that way. And it's so hard for a man to just sit here and be like, Yo, I'm I'm I'm not right right now, bruh. Like I'm sorry. I I I don't feel like waking up. I don't feel like going to get in my car to go work nine hours. My body hurt from working a 12-hour shift just to provide for y'all. It's it's it's hard to say stuff like that without second guessing yourself as a man. And then you got and don't get me wrong, I don't know how everybody is with their relationship and everything. As a single man, you know how hard it is to walk up to a woman and be like, yeah, bruh, let's date. You feel me? I ain't got no job. I work DoorDash and I got a kid. I'm a single dad. You gonna accept me as I am, huh? You gonna do it for me? You're there when I gotta go to court for custody? You gonna be there when I have to go to court for child support and all of that? Or are you gonna look at me crazy because I even asked for child support for my daughter?

SPEAKER_04 24:18

It's stuff like that that go on notice.

SPEAKER_07 24:24

Why would okay? Maybe it's just me.

SPEAKER_05 24:26

Why would I guess I'm coming from a person with basic support? Why would anybody look crazy when the person who's the custodian of her asking for channel support?

SPEAKER_06 24:35

Because you're a man, like and I I said that to say, why leads me to my next question?

Double Standards And Manhood Tests

SPEAKER_05 24:44

Why is it double standards for us when it comes to situations like that, and mainly so mental health? Why is it double standards for us when we had these problems?

SPEAKER_02 24:54

Will because the world is full of double standards, bro. Like this is what it is. There's always gonna be double standards. There's no explanation for it.

SPEAKER_03 25:08

People just you have your way of thinking, and that's what you're stuck in. So when that's not fulfilled, then you're gonna see it the way you see.

SPEAKER_02 25:19

So and to them, those aren't even double standards, it's just the way they think. You a man, this is what you do.

SPEAKER_03 25:27

It's unfortunate, but it's true. Because he's a man, he goes for child support, or any man goes for child support. He's not a real man because he ain't taking care of his family by himself. Or he ain't taking care, he can't handle it. But if but on the other, if it reverse it, then he ain't a real man if he don't pay his child support. So either way it goes, somebody gonna see me as not a real man for something I do.

SPEAKER_02 25:59

It's just the way it is. They're always judging your man. Always gonna be something. They always judging your manhood, bro. It's just what it is. Like you that can't be everything you do. There's somebody in the back looking like, hmm, that's unmanly. Yeah, that's not manly. Nigga got an umbrella. Oh man, that nigga I'm man. I'm saying though.

SPEAKER_05 26:25

I was actually about to bring the game up. We can't even use an umbrella. We just gotta walk out in the gale floor.

SPEAKER_07 26:34

You ain't got a rain cook.

SPEAKER_05 26:37

We can't use a umbrella. Let me tell you something. I was on scroll on Facebook, it's probably been a couple weeks now. I was scrolling on Facebook and they said, if a man knows how to cook at Sassy, my mother taught me life skills. I'm sick of leaving.

SPEAKER_01 26:54

I spent 20 years working at restaurants, so is that I guess that makes me.

SPEAKER_00 27:01

Yeah. They used to get called gang sassy for having a clean house.

SPEAKER_03 27:08

Oh my god. Thank you. Yeah, it just wasn't a trap.

SPEAKER_00 27:15

Look how many dove stuff you got. Look how much this you got. Why is your tool? You got candles? Oh my god, it smells, it don't smell like weed in here and you smoke. Oh my god, how did you do that? You got clean sheets?

SPEAKER_05 27:34

When I used to live by myself and I would have candles, and I had like pictures on the wall and the clock on the wall, and females would come up and be like, with the sound out like a woman living here. You got a woman living here.

SPEAKER_01 27:50

Oh, who did yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 27:52

Yeah. I got I can't go to Bath and Body Works with my sister and buy a candle.

SPEAKER_03 27:58

Man, nigga, I got a I got a mama raggedy bitch.

SPEAKER_07 28:04

You feel me?

SPEAKER_00 28:05

So sorry I was raised the right way. Yeah, it's crazy though. It's just everything. But making sure that I knew how to cook, clean, and all of that, so I wouldn't be impressed by that little shit that you're gonna do.

SPEAKER_03 28:23

I'm sorry, but nowadays I know how to wash my sheets. I use I know how to do one. So it's like, damn, most you actually know how to do it. It used to it used to be common, now it's rare.

SPEAKER_05 28:49

But

Brotherhood And Hard Conversations

SPEAKER_05 28:50

we talked about the down, I do want to talk about because Teddy brought it up, so Joe and Will, I want to get shot outside. Being able to confide in one of your partners, confine in one of your male friends. Y'all feel like y'all have those type of friends where y'all can have those conversations.

SPEAKER_06 29:07

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_05 29:10

Absolutely. Is it you do you find it difficult to have those conversations? Or do you have those friends where it's not it don't bother you whatsoever?

SPEAKER_03 29:25

Go ahead, John.

SPEAKER_01 29:27

No, I was gonna say I I've I've almost cultivated a group of people that I surround myself with now as I've gotten older, that I don't see, you know what I'm saying? Like I used to be around people where I didn't feel comfortable expressing that part of me because you know, those kind of people would look at me like like y'all talking about it, like boy, that boy got some zest to him, he's a little bit uh spice, whatever you want to call it, man. And you know, and so as I got older though, and I became more comfortable with being myself, I was like, I'm only gonna surround myself with people that I know will support me through whatever I'm going through, and vice versa. You know, kind of like Q. I mean, I got Hugh and uh Sean, I talked to him, you know, I got my buddy uh Eric, I call up. I've I've cultivated that kind of people around me so that I I can still do that.

SPEAKER_03 30:23

Yeah, so I I guess similar to Joe, but uh mine has been like um a lifetime of just knowing certain people who are actually in my circle and being being able to identify who's actually in your circle, right? So like sometimes we think that's people in that circle. But they're not really as deep in as a woman really. So I as as as a young person, I was able to identify my circle, and I'm pretty much kept it tight ever since most of my friends have been friends with 20 years plus. So it's just I don't have a hard time turning to those people because they've been there for me through all my times, and I've been there through all their times, so it's more like a brotherhood. So build your brotherhood, and it'd be easier to turn to those brothers because it feels a little different than turning to a friend.

SPEAKER_05 31:21

You said friendships for 20 plus years.

SPEAKER_03 31:27

I think you you you're probably one of my youngest friendships, and it's been what 20 years almost.

SPEAKER_05 31:34

Yeah, but I was just getting ready to say you're my oldest friendship, because a lot of people I was cool with before, I ain't I ain't necessarily cool with them for different you know saying for different reasons. I was just about to say, you're you're my oldest friendship. And I was uh 17 when I started K4. So yeah, right then, like 19, 20 years.

SPEAKER_03 31:54

Well, yeah, friendships I would consider part of my circle, my brotherhood, right? Um, but like I mean, I've I've had I've made friends that I have like new friends, people I work with, you know, associates, you know, stuff like that. I got those, I make those all the time, but like the those brotherhood friends, those what you would think would be lifetime, uh like that. I like to think of them as the uh my group of pallbearers, right? We never know when our time is coming, but you know, I got a group of guys that I'm pretty sure would carry that casket for me.

SPEAKER_05 32:34

So uh I call it grooves, that's why that's how I refer to them.

SPEAKER_03 32:41

Hey, well, I'm already married, so yeah. I've been in this for a while, so I'm marching towards the end. So that's my next big guy. So where were Paul Bears at, bro?

SPEAKER_05 32:59

Well, I say, yeah, I'm looking at the mask is gruesome. Like if I was to get married tomorrow, who would I have on that stage, right? That's how I look at the mask.

SPEAKER_03 33:09

I get your point, you already married, so but it's easier to turn to to that group. Um, but I still do find it hard sometimes. I mean, don't get it twisted. Showing your vulnerability is tough, you know, like showing people that you need them is is a hard thing to do. Even as a kid, asking my parents for shit, I would have to like build up the courage for. So yeah, it's still tough, but um I I know who to ask and who not to waste my time.

SPEAKER_05 33:46

Let me think building the courage up to ask your parents for. What's my child had that? He done he asked me for something every daggone day, like bro, ain't got no pause whatsoever.

SPEAKER_03 33:58

Um I used to have to do a countdown. I had to count down to 10 before I can get it out.

SPEAKER_06 34:09

Well, let me just say it real quick. It was tough.

Was Life Harder Back Then

SPEAKER_05 34:15

Um I know it's hard because we didn't live in the previous era. Do y'all think our struggle now is harder than it was then? Let's say 25, 30 years ago. No, not really you said not really.

SPEAKER_00 34:35

I'm gonna say no, one because like for me, I was like 30 years ago I was a kid, and like all the men that was in my life that was like could have been like a a good figure to go after, they lived their own lives. So like a lot of the things that people see from back in the day, it wouldn't even it it couldn't even translate to adults nowadays. Like, you gotta think about it, like back in the day you could you could go to the army four years, do your contract, get a house, get a car, and get a government job like it was nothing. Now you go to the army, do your four years, you coming out, you not even able to get an apartment. Like the the struggles are different because of how time is just moving. Like, I remember us being kids wanting to do so much adult stuff, and look at us now. Who wants to pay these bills to be uh adult?

SPEAKER_05 35:53

We gotta solid boy, we gotta solid boy. I think I would say about just like 30 years ago because the times was different, different. Don't even be wrong.

SPEAKER_06 36:05

We're gonna I'm gonna speak as a black man.

SPEAKER_05 36:10

Our access is better, I'm not saying it's great, but our access to things now is better than it was and we are we like right now, we have it's you know, it's four and men out here talking about their mental capacities, their mental emotions, their mental strength. Thirty years ago, that wasn't even a conversation.

SPEAKER_06 36:39

Exactly. You had to wait till everybody was shit faced drunk.

SPEAKER_05 36:45

So I think don't even wrong times as hard enough because like they had you got the internet and then a lot of people are watching what whoever did on Instagram thinking they on, you know, they on this trip and that trip, and I'm struggling to pay my bills, not knowing what they did to pay to go on that trip. Don't be wrong, like we have we have new challenges, but I feel like they did have some horror challenges because of the fact that the access was different. Well, what you think?

SPEAKER_03 37:19

So uh yeah, I would probably lead to exactly what you as I was listening to you. I was thinking, man, it pretty much covers most of my bases. Uh it was just a different time, right? So, like it was probably just as hard, right? We just it's hard today because we live today. It was hard then because they was living then. Like it's if you struggle in today, your struggle feels bad. If you struggle back then, it felt bad. So I think it was it's just the time you live in, your struggle is yours, but it's similar to the one before. Uh the internet doesn't provide, doesn't make life now easier in every

Social Media Stress And Comparison

SPEAKER_03 38:08

aspect. Like it doesn't so many. But as far as mental health goes, that is probably one of the most damaging things that we do most of the time daily is the internet. Social media in particular. Let's not paint the internet with a wirbrush. Let's point to exactly what it is. Social media. Social media for men, women, children. We probably take in too much of it. You should probably try to find your way away from it every once in a while, get back to just normal shit. It gives you a break, it sets your expectations to reality, like to your reality. And you're not chasing somebody else's reality or their perceived reality, because most of the time, if you see it on the internet, it's been put together for you to see on the internet. It probably wasn't really like that. Like we've all took that perfect picture to post on the internet at vacation. But if you swung that camera, the the hotel room was erect, people were mad, kids were fighting, but we got that perfect picture of the beach. You know, so it's we see what people wanted to see on the internet, and we let that control it a little bit too much. So that has made life harder for us now. They didn't have something like that back then. You know, it it was your your intimate circle, right? People in your neighborhood, people you worked with, those are who you had to worry about, opinions of you. Now it's everybody who you come in contact with on the internet, worried about their opinions and shit. So yeah, you added a lot of stress on us to that. And uh so it's a little hard now because of that, but I'm pretty sure you know they were stressing just as hard back then. Shit, I seen pictures of them niggas. Them niggas at 30 looked like they was about like 47, bro. Yeah, you are right, right, right. They was dealing with racism still real tough and shit. It was you know, we we deal with it, but they were dealing with it a lot worse. So it was a lot going on, man. Stress.

SPEAKER_05 40:44

Right. Uh Joe, what you think? Is it harder now or back then?

SPEAKER_01 40:50

I think every generation has their different, you know what I'm saying, things. Like I would say back then it would have been harder for like certain groups of people, you know, like like what you talking about back then, you know what I'm saying, for your minorities, for your LGBTQ people, it was a lot more of a struggle back then because you was you weren't supposed to be. You ain't supposed to exist in circles, in certain circles, like you better not exist almost, you know. So I feel like we have made a lot of strides in that situation. We still got a long way to go. And I also feel like, you know, back then, like trying to be somebody who's like, I want to be in, you know what I'm saying, like arts or something like that as a man, being like, I want to, I want to do this or I want to do that, or even women who are like, I don't want to be, you know, Susie Q fucking housekeeper or whatever. I want to I want to do this, you know, like it was a lot harder back then, but we've broken a lot of barriers now. So in that sense, I feel like we've come a long way. But yeah, I feel like every every generation has their things that are gonna be hard for. And that's how we make progress.

SPEAKER_05 42:12

One

Fatherhood As Purpose And Fuel

SPEAKER_05 42:13

more thing I want to touch on before we get out of here. Well, two more things. But one, you know, I know you don't have kids, so I'm gonna ask Teddy and we'll uh for me, like fatherhood, after finance, fatherhood is probably my second thing. I grew up without my I I knew who my father was, but I ain't see him that often. He lived around the corner from my aunt, but I saw him once every two, three years, right? So I really didn't know, I didn't have that relationship with him. So the thing I always try to work on is getting everything to my channel than my father's lesson. So I'm always stressing about am I being a good enough friend? Am I doing the right things? Am I teaching him right? Because it's not, it's not, I don't want to just be a babysitter the days he's with me compared to the days he's with him. I want to be an active father and you know try to give the right lessons. Whether he listens to him or not, I want to make sure that he he when he gets older, he can point back to, yeah, I remember my daddy saying that, or my daddy told me that. Or I also want him to have core memories. Like it was last weekend, we did a paper rock scissors. If you got lost, you lost, your head got ducked in flat. We did it a year ago too.

SPEAKER_01 43:32

But I also want him to- I was gonna say, y'all did that a couple years in a row, and I like that. I really do.

SPEAKER_05 43:36

Yeah, I like I want him to have core memories as well. When I'm gone, he can point to when me and my daddy did this when I was growing up. How does fatherhood play into your mental health? Uh Teddy, I'm asking you short time.

SPEAKER_00 43:52

Um, so just to give a backstory, um my daughter was In custody with mom from the time she was born until this past December. Um those six years of my life was probably the darkest times of my life. Like, as y'all know, I I live in Texas. My daughter lived in New Jersey. So like I was seeing her probably once a year if I could afford it. And like it wasn't no phone calls, it wasn't no, oh, that's FaceTime, because she's autistic, she don't even want to be on the phone, you know? So like I'm I'm not mad, but it's like, damn, like I'm missing out. So like right now, I'm not gonna say I'm the happiest, but the level of of joy that I get, that I wake up and I get to see her face every day, it gives me as much energy as I need to fight the day, no matter what I'm going through. Because it's like just like like William was saying, there's no there's no giving up. Like, you're gonna show your child that you gave up, what you really teaching your child. So, you know, like having her here has been the best thing that I could say for my mental health for the mere fact I'm not I'm not worried about my autistic child. Something's happening in New Jersey, and nobody wants to tell me anything. I'm not sad anymore that I don't get to talk to my daughter or see my daughter, see if she has any cuts on her face, see if she's been crying lately. Like if she said a word, like I have a non-verbal autistic child. So like just her saying okay to me now compared to not saying anything back in the day, it's a blessing, you feel me? So it's like it's it's a big, big morale boost to have her here. And fatherhood could not make anything worse. Like, it's a song, and if y'all ever get the chance, uh it's by Jake Cole's called She's Mine Part 2. It's a part of the song where he was like, Yeah, I'm in the I'm in the delivery room, and like you don't know how much your birth brought me joy. But you don't understand how hard it is for me to ask myself if I'm ready for this blessing, if I can handle this blessing, is it gonna be too heavy to carry? Is it gonna be too light to carry? Am I gonna knock this out the park am I gonna fail? But at the end of the day, you still mine. I ain't got no choice. So it's like it's it's happiness. At the end of it, it's happiness. I'm gonna deal with my personal stuff on my own, but when it comes to just being a dad, it's the most happiest thing I've ever done in my life. It's the only thing that I feel as though personally I did right. That's the only thing that I personally feel as though that's going right in my life. Being a dad. And like I wouldn't I wouldn't trade that for anything in this world. Like being her father is the best thing that's ever happened in my life. Ever. And I'm the happiest man every time I see her smile.

SPEAKER_05 47:51

It's crazy how much your child can bring you. You hit it right on the head. Like they don't know how much they mean to us, and how much just them being ground uplifts us and makes us better. Uh Will, what about you, my fatherhood? How does that play into your mental health?

SPEAKER_03 48:18

Right. So it's a motivator for you to have it together because you ain't got no choice. Like, like you said, you can't let them see you not with it together. So um you try to hold it together as good as you can. But what I will say is there will be times where you might break a little bit, and it's good to have them around sometimes in those times because they're good, they're great for comforting. But also, it just shows them that you're human, you know, like yeah, my dad, or even some cases my mom, they're superheroes in my eyes, but deep down the side I know just they're just human. It's okay to be vulnerable sometimes. You teach them that it's okay to have a moment. You teach them how to move on from those moments too, through that same match. So um, yeah, they they're my motivation, but they're also my support. And when I am feeling down, I can sometimes I just have simple comments. My kids are older now. Um my youngest is four fourteen, look, I gotta think about it. Uh my oldest is 15, it'll be 16 months. So they're older kids. Uh, I can talk to them on a personal level now, but you know, I I remember the days when my youngest was that autistic little kid, not verbal for a nice amount of time, yeah. But blown away when they first start talking. You'll be blown away when she first starts talking. I promise you, you will. When she just starts giving you constant words, you're gonna be like, oh my god. Yeah, mind you start reading straight off the TV to say you start talking and just start showing me different stuff on TV. But uh, they they motivate you, you know. Um in those dark days, they can be light.

Dating Stress And Protecting Peace

SPEAKER_05 50:50

Um last thing before we get out of here. You gotta talk about dating or being in relationships when it comes to being a uh you already talked about being single, but I'm gonna ask you a question. Is that one of the conversations that you have is about how you come from how does that woman feel about meeting? Is that a conversation that you had? Is it important?

SPEAKER_00 51:20

This with me? This is with you, this you know you think I'm so in recent times from December until now, I've had a multitude of different reactions to me being a single dad. One had women told me that it's weird that I have custody of my daughter because I'm the man, and you shouldn't be taking a child out of their mother's home, especially this later life. I've had women tell me, oh my god, this gives you more points. Look at you being a single dad. Oh, I've had women even say, so that means that you don't got time for me. What? Oh, how am I supposed to come into your life and you already taking care of your mother and your daughter? That that's that's the whole part of dating, you know, to see if this is the person that you can merge lives with. So dating as a single dad, and um just dating, period, especially in Houston, Texas, it's horrible a replay, like basuda, trash. I can't do it no more, bro. Like, I I really have left all of it alone. Like, there's there are people who have gained access to my life, but like a lot of them really don't know, like, yo, you all know the nights that I have where I'm up until four o'clock in the morning because my autistic daughter thinks that it's cool to run around the house. Or how she wakes up sometimes after going to sleep at eight o'clock, she'll wake up at three o'clock and be like, let's get the day started. Oh, but you're tired. No, I've made time for women, and I've been the first date I try to axe a girl on after being becoming a single father and her moving down here, I got stood up and got a text message an hour later after I got stood up saying, Hey, you know, I I come to think of it, I really didn't want to date a dude that had a kid, and I didn't really believe that you were a single dad with your child. But after you told me that you were late coming here, or you were running late, it was it was because I was running late. After you you told me that you were running late because you were trying to get her to go to sleep, it just made me think like I don't want to deal with that.

SPEAKER_04 54:22

Cool.

SPEAKER_00 54:23

Dating is trash, so I leave it alone for the sake of my mental health, as what we're speaking about right now. I'm leaving that shit alone. Have fun. I can have all of these women out here. Have fun. I'll stay in the crib.

SPEAKER_07 54:44

Say that when I told you I was running away.

SPEAKER_05 54:48

You had to wait for an hour after I've been waiting for you to finally decide to get the courage enough. That's gonna be a whole nother conversation, blah blah blah.

SPEAKER_00 55:01

It's honestly, I think it's because of where I live, but dating is just trash in general. A lot of people, like y'all were saying earlier, a lot of people live their lives or for what they see on social media and not from what is right in front of you. I'm not the I'm not the best dude out here, and I'm never gonna claim to be the best guy out here. That would be so superficial. I'm a regular ass dude. I do regular shit. If you're mad that I do regular shit, I guess I'm not the regular guy for you. Go take your ass around to somebody else who likes to do all of that fancy shit. I'm not that dude. I'm gonna crack open this blue moon, I'ma sit back and I'ma chill. Or I'm gonna crack open this Hennessy, I'ma sit back and I'ma chill. Put my feet up, because I I've been up for 19 hours. And this 30 minutes that I take before I go to sleep is what I got.

SPEAKER_05 56:13

That's a me time, my turn. I need that. Will you been married for a long time, brother?

Healthy Relationships As Support

SPEAKER_07 56:24

How does your wife help you in your middle?

SPEAKER_03 56:29

Oh, just another layer of support, right? Uh it comes with the caveats sometimes, you know, you gotta take them for what it is. Um I like your children who are their support you and not their judgment, your spouse. They're gonna give you what you're asking, you know, but they also gonna give you more than that. They're gonna give you their opinion. Rightfully so, right, you know. So um it's just not a lay of support uh when you have a good one, right?

SPEAKER_06 57:07

So that's that's that that's the in truth of it.

SPEAKER_03 57:13

Like you have a good one in those hard times, they make it better. Not so good when hard times they make it harder.

SPEAKER_08 57:32

Really important to have that's one you can have and gotta do checking loose because they ain't gonna help you enough.

SPEAKER_05 57:45

Are you having a bad partner? Um, Joe, same question. How does being in a relationship interact with your mental health?

SPEAKER_01 57:56

How does that go as you know, I'll say that the same struggles that I have are the same struggles that my girl has. And so that that's actually been a blessing because she understands how I feel when I feel it. And so she knows, you know what I'm saying, like we know how to communicate about these things. Like, so when when I can see the same things that I can feel, you know what I'm saying, like in her, when I can see she's going through it, I can talk to her about it, and vice versa. And so that's that's been a really good thing. I'm also gonna say, because I feel real spoiled about this, you know, my ex knows the kind of you know, like mental state that I have, and she knows like with me being off of work right now, how that affects me. And so she still reaches out on a pretty regular basis to be like, hey, I just want to check in and see how you're doing, how you're feeling, you know.

SPEAKER_06 59:00

So I feel really lucky in that sense.

SPEAKER_07 59:02

So I'd like it. It's good to have that support system.

SPEAKER_05 59:08

Um I can speak for me. I um I'm blessed to have a partner that I could be vulnerable with. Even if I don't be willing to listen or something. But it is good to have that partner who I feel like I can come to and I I'm not gonna have no judgment off the back of it. Like I can just be me and it's not gonna be no judgment. I can express myself how I want to express how I need to express myself. I don't even how I want, how I need to express myself, and there won't be no judgment, and I can be comfortable with it. So I think I think that's the biggest thing to me as far as the relationship and my mental health is I can express myself the way I need to. And I'm not gonna be looked at looked as as weak or not strong enough, or it's gonna be a problem, or it's gonna be followed up in an argument when we have an argument two, three weeks later. Right? I'm not gonna have none of that. So I think that's the biggest takeaway for me as far as mental health being in a way. So I think that's that's uh you know I had to hurt. But uh Teddy, and I appreciate you joining hold up and another thing. We're gonna have to get you on mixed vibes, we're gonna get you on from my perspective because you know you know baseball, me and beyond what we do. I'll be here. And I appreciate you, Teddy. Uh, Mr. Break Lass himself, my oldest friendship. You know what I'm saying? I thank you, sir.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:53

No, man, no problem. Glad to be here.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:59

Thank you. And then now last but certainly not least, Joe. Thank you, sir.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:05

Of course, and that time, bro.

unknown 1:01:07

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:08

Thank y'all for listening to

Therapy And Checking On Your Homies

SPEAKER_06 1:01:09

another one.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:09

I got one thing to say to everybody before, and this is for everybody that's listening, everybody that's here right now. Fellas, if you are in need of help, don't be afraid to go and go to therapy, bro. I've been in therapy for five years. Do some work, go get some books, read, read, read. It is going to help you out to keep on being the man that you are, and it's going to keep on making you better. Do not be afraid of what's going to come from the blessings that you're going to get from reaching out to better yourself. That's all it is. It's not you asking for a handout, it is you reaching out to be better for yourself so you can be better for everybody that comes around you.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:07

Yes, 100%, bro.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:10

But yeah, thank y'all for listening to another episode of Hold Up and another thing presented by Mixed Bass Media. Y'all already know the vibes. Glad Teddy said that, but it is one more thing I won't leave y'all with. Reach out to your homeboys. Make sure they're okay. Just ask them. Are you alright? You talk about anything? Are you sure? Or just reach out to your homeboys and tell them that they're doing a good job. Because you never know what how much how much that mean to mean to them. He and Teddy can't reel reels back and forth to each other all the time. I man, I'm proud of you, my brother. You know what I'm saying? So make sure you reach out to your homies and tell them, either ask them do they need to talk, or tell them that you're proud of them. Because you never know how much that's gonna mean to you. Yeah, thank y'all for listening to another episode of Hold Up and Another Thing. It's your boy, Mr. Bell. I'm gonna catch y'all on the next one.